It's actually kind of annoying to be a skunk. The black animals don't accept me. The white animals don't either. Actually, while we're at it, none of the other animals accept me. I could pull the color card and blame it on not being completely black or completely white, but we all know that's false. The zebra is living proof of that. No, the real reason no one likes me is because I smell like feces.
It's really not my fault. Jesus' dad gave me the terrible smell as a defense mechanism. I'm not getting angry with Papa Christ, but I just feel so excluded from all the other animals. I mean, no one even wants to eat me. My life is incredibly boring. Whenever I approach another animal, or a human being, they always run away as if I'm gonna kill them. Really, I just wanted some companionship. I just wanted to have a conversation. But before I can get in one word, they're completely gone. My kind is barely better. They are all so self-conscious about smelling bad that they overcompensate by loudly calling out all the other skunks for how bad they smell. At the end of the day, I am all alone. I am stuck in the middle, but without you. I am the hamburger without the buns, I am the pepperoni, just chilling in the corner, without any pizza it can lie on top of. I just wish I was gray. I just wish I didn't have to be black and white at the same time. If I was gray they would except me. If I was gray... My life would be so much better. Maybe I'll just start using Old Spice.
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