The Black Cat and The Chamber of Secrets

"For the most wild, yet most homely narrative which I am about to pen I neither expect nor solicit belief."

"Wait HOLD on a second Grandpa, I thought you were gonna read me the Princess Bride again!"

"Again? Scooter, I've read you that story every night for the past FIVE WEEKS. It's getting really old. Like, it was cute the first couple times maybe, but I think it's time to move on. I mean, Andre the Giant isn't even alive any more!"

"He's NOT?" Scooter's eyes began to tear up, almost as if he was watching Mufasa fall down the cliff. "W-what happened to him?"

"Nothing happened to him. I was just kidding." He sighed. "He'll find out later that Andre the Giant actually WAS dead..." He muttered under his breath.

"Well Grandpa, why can't you read it again? I don't want to hear about a black cat! I don't even believe in superstitions and all that stuff. I saw Freaky Friday the other day, and it was terrible!"

"Hold ON! Did you just compare Edgar Allen Poe to a movie with Lindsey LOHAN in it? I mean, Mean Girls was kind of awesome, but that was literally her only good movie!" Images of Herbie: Fully Loaded flashed through his head. He supressed the sudden urge to vomit violently.

"No Grandpa, I'm just saying I don't like this with black cats and stuff in them."

"Have you ever read Edgar Allen Poe before?" His Grandpa was becoming increasingly annoyed.

"No but-"

"There! How can you know you don't like it if you've never even tried reading it?"

"It's the same thing with you and facebook!" Scooter cried out.

"What? That's totally different. Facebook destroys lives!"

"Have you ever tried it?"

"No but-"

"There! How do you know it destroys lives if you've never tried it?"

"That's totally different. Facebo-"

"No it's not! It's the exact same thing. I win!"

"Wow! You are really ANNOYING!" His Grandpa glared down at him. "I'm not reading you any more stories at all! Good luck entertaining yourself. You know, since you can't even READ." Even in his current mental state, he realized that the last insult had been kind of harsh.

Scooter fought valiantly against his urge to cry... but he lost. After a few minutes of awkward sniffling, and complete lack of eye contact between Grandpa and Grandson, he stopped and wiped his eyes.
"I'm sorry Scooter." His Grandpa sighed. "It's not you it's... it's... You know what? I'm DONE pampering. It IS you. You are so DEMANDING! You're just an ungrateful, spoiled little boy. Good luck paying for my social security benefits!" And with a mad cackle he skipped out of the room, leaving Scooter hurt and confused, still lying in his bed.
Outside, the sharp chattering of crickets drowned out the Grandpa's screams as Karma choked his last breath from his body.
The boy turned to Karma. "Why'd you have to kill him?" He asked.
"Well, the only characters in this story were you and your Grandpa, so I thought it would be best not to make the story about sex dot dot dot..." his voice trailed off.